It’s the most wonderful time of the year.

Yes, you read that right. No, I didn’t hit my head and believe it’s Christmas time. I’m talking about motherfucking tax return season. MY CHRISTMAS. I work my ass off all year long and my family takes every penny I make.

This is my time. The only chance I can look my wife in the eyes and say I’m the head of this household, bitch. Before I had kids I was thrilled with my tax return but I’ll tell you what, the best part of having two little fuckers is the size of return I get. Yeah it’s nowhere close to what I’ve spent on them this year but hell I’ll take it.

What should I buy though? Do I get that 80 inch TV that would most likely be used for these booger-eaters to watch all those shows I hate? Nah. Do I take a trip to Montreal with the boys. Can’t do that because I’m a felon by Canadian standards. Should I finally head up to Boston or down to Nashville for a weekend and get absolutely shithoused. Getting closer. Should I take my tax return and make one huge bet and hope it pays off? Tempting. So many possibilities. I have some time to think about it so feel free to float some ideas.

P.S. in reality I’ll probably end up taking these shit heads anywhere I go and I’ll still be a miserable prick.

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